The Two Ronnies - Shouting In The Library
2:41
The Two Ronnies - Shouting In The Library (1973).
From Series Three - Broadcast: September 1973 - January 1974.
Tags: Two Ronnies Ronnie Barker Corbett Classic British Comedy BBC
Added: 3 years ago
From: DuckPlumberThe2nd
Views: 62,695
[scene opens in a public library, as a young female librarian (glasses, brown hair pulled to the sides in a "cinnamon bun", brown sweater) is stamping books at the front desk when a male patron walks in and begins yelling at her (not in an angry way, just with his voice unnaturally "amplified")]
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] Um, hello! I want to join the--
[she puts a finger to her lips and shushes him]
AGNES: [whispering] Shh!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I want to join the library!
AGNES: [whispering] Do you mind not shouting, please?
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I can't help shouting!
[the other patrons in the library shush him]
AGNES: [whispering] Please! Please, talk quietly!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I can't talk quietly! That's why I want to join the library!
[she stands up]
AGNES: [whispering] Please!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I want a copy of a book entitled "How Not to Shout!"
AGNES: [whispering] I'll have to ask the chief librarian ...
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] Thank you very much indeed!
[she walks over to an older male librarian (glasses, white hair, suit and tie) exiting a room marked "Chief Librarian"]
AGNES: [whispering] Mister Simpson?
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Yes?!
AGNES: [whispering] This gentleman wants a book called "How Not to Shout" ...
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] What?!
AGNES: [whispering] This gentleman wants a book called "How Not to Shout!"
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] There's no such book!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] Oh yes, there is!
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] I haven't heard of it!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] It's called "How Not to Shout!"
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] No no, there's a book called "How to Shout Louder!" Or "How to Shout Terrifically Loud," that's a very good one! Or "How to Scream at the Top of--"
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] No no, I don't want to shout!
[the other patrons shush them again]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] What?!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I want to stop shouting! That's why I want a copy of the book entitled "How Not to Shout!"
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] No no, there's not!
[another male patron, calmly sitting at a nearby table reading a book, suddenly starts yelling]
MALE PATRON 2: [yelling] Oh yes there is, I've got it here! I'm reading it!
[the female librarian tries shushing him]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Is it any good?!
MALE PATRON 2: [yelling] I don't know, I've only read the first chapter!
[the other patrons shush him]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Well, do hurry up and finish it! I'd like to read it next!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I ought to read it next!
[one of the other patrons finally can't take it anymore]
FEMALE PATRON: [yelling] Shut up!
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] No, I want to read it!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I asked for it first!
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Look, I'm the chief librarian! I need to read it!
[another patron decides to chime in]
MALE PATRON 3: [yelling] It didn't do me any good!
FEMALE PATRON: [yelling] Shut up! I'm trying to read!
AGNES: [whispering] Please! This is a library!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I ought to read it first!
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Look, you don't even belong to this library!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] That's not fair!
[the one patron reading the book holds it up]
MALE PATRON 2: [yelling] The second chapter's called "Shouting Quietly!"
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Oh!
[the female librarian finally snaps]
AGNES: [yelling] Quiet!
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Shut up!
MALE PATRON 3: [yelling] Shut up!
FEMALE PATRON: [yelling] Shut up!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] I want it!
AGNESE: [yelling] Please!
[everyone begins shouting at each other, when the male librarian climbs up on top of the table]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Will you all keep quiet?! This is a library!
[everyone stops talking]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] That's better! Now then, we haven't got the book!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] In that case, could I have a copy of a book entitled "How to Control Yourself in a Library?!"
AGNES: [whispering] I'm afraid that's out ...
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] Oh dear!
[he turns and begins knocking things off the front desk and throwing books on the floor]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Oh, I've got a copy! I've got a copy in my office!
[the male librarian runs to his office (as the patron overturns the front desk and begins pushing the other patrons) and returns with a book]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Here we are! Here we are! It's my personal copy!
MALE PATRON 1: [yelling] Thank you very much indeed!
[he takes the book and leaves, as the male librarian shouts after him]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] It won't help you, I've read it myself! It didn't do an atom of good! Not an atom of good!
[he suddenly overturns the front desk again and pushes one of the patrons]
MR. SIMPSON: [yelling] Did it, Agnes?!
[the female librarian screams, then he grabs her and throws her over the table, mounting her as the audience applauds]
---
From abc.net.au:
The classic BBC Comedy series starring Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett.
Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett were an unlikely comedy team but their talents complemented each other perfectly in a series that would run for 16 years and become part of British television history. From their introduction, "And in a packed programme tonight..." to the "Goodnight from him", viewers would savour the familiar features – the opening and closing news items, the party sketches, the doctor's surgery set pieces, Ronnie Barker's word-play speeches, the rambling monologues from Ronnie Corbett and some magnificent musical pastiches.
This third series was broadcast in the UK from September 1973 to January 1974. It featured Pans People as regular guests and among the many highlights of the eight episodes were the Ecclesiastical Gossip and the Shouting in the Library sketches, Ronnie Barker's series of "How to..." public service films, Ronnie Corbett's audition as a continuity announcer, the incomparable country singers Jehosophat and Jones and a series of wonderful send-ups of 1970s television series including Star Trek, The Onedin Line, Upstairs Downstairs, Colditz and Jason King.
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