Morgan the Librarian - Leisure Suit Larry MCL Ep58
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Added: 1 year ago
From: FLuffee4theWin
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[the player enters the college library, where a male student worker (short black hair, glasses, black sweater, brown pants) at the front desk is speaking to a male student]
COLLEGE GUY: What's checked out to my library card?
LIBRARIAN: It says you've got out the June Eighty-Four issue of "Assgasm," the April Ninety-Three issue of "Top Heavy," the "Tea Bagging" Double Annual Ninety-Six ... I could continue, but this list is quite long. Somebody's been pretty busy.
COLLEGE GUY: Not me, somebody stole my card! That fairy swiped it!
LIBRARIAN: Hey man, we don't use the word ... "fairy" around here. It's a derogatory term. Besides, y-you're the one that took out "Tea Bagging," and this one called "Man Splash."
COLLEGE GUY: This fairy was, like, wearin' pink and he was carrying a dildo! And he was, like, really gross and hairy!
LIBRARIAN: If you're referring to Ramone, he's got a condition. It's called hypertrichosis.
COLLEGE GUY: Um, and the fairy was flying!
LIBRARIAN: Yes ... Now, you have a hundred and seventy eight dollars in fines. There's a hold on your account until you pay up.
COLLEGE GUY: Fuckin' fairies ... So you, like, been down to the lab?
LIBRARIAN: Yes, I am a bio-chemistry student.
COLLEGE GUY: You fucked that professor yet? She's hot, bro.
LIBRARIAN: She is an intelligent woman, and worthy of your respect.
COLLEGE GUY: I'm tellin' you ... I'd like to heat up my test tube in her bunsen burner!
LIBRARIAN: Ah yes, your scientific double entendres are very clever ...
---
From wikipedia.org:
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude is a 2004 video game, part of the Leisure Suit Larry series. The game introduces a new main character, 'Larry Lovage', as Larry Laffer's nephew. This is the 7th game in the series.
Gameplay
Like many other current games, Magna Cum Laude has a free exploration mode where Larry can walk about campus and interact with students and personnel on the premises. In this mode, Larry can search for hidden money or tokens, strike poses to impress girls, and take photos which can later be sold to collectors. At several locations on campus a minigame can be entered, usually by "activating" an object or a person (starting a conversation). The player must win most of the minigames in order to advance. Minigames started by a conversation usually increase the affection of one of the girls; other minigames can provide money or increase "confidence".
There are several different minigames, and variations on them:
* Chat: the player must steer a sperm icon through a course of "hot spots." Green hot spots result in a good conversation, whereas red spots result in inappropriate and humiliating (but amusing) topics.
* Dancing: a rhythm game similar to Dance Dance Revolution where the player must press the right buttons on time
* Trampoline: a variation of dancing, where Larry is bouncing on a trampoline
* Serve: a variation of the classic arcade game Tapper, where food or other items must be passed to each row before the queue reaches Larry
* Quarters: a drinking game where coins must be tipped in a glass to get the other player drunk
Other minigames included are panty raids and evasion, where Larry must escape other people by running along a set course. Typically in order to "win" a girl, multiple of these games must be played in succession.
The game originally received an "Adults Only" rating from the ESRB and was subsequently edited to receive a more commercial "Mature" rating in the USA and Canada. In Europe, the game was released unedited on all three systems and featured a disclaimer on the packaging highlighting that it was "uncut". The unedited version was eventually released in North America under the title Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude—Uncut and Uncensored!. The major difference between the two North American releases is that the uncut and uncensored version contains full frontal nudity and sex scenes, although the latter contains very little and is mostly implied.
Plot
The main character, Larry Lovage, is a student at Walnut Log Community College whose purpose is to get on a dating TV show called "Swingles". Uma Yasmine, the hostess of the show won't allow Larry in the show until he will prove his seductive wits by obtaining "tokens of affection". Sixteen college girls will conveniently be at his disposal. His aging uncle, Larry Laffer, from the original games, provides brief advice and appears at a local bar. Larry also must outsmart a sorority house and a fraternity house, known as Dio, where they recite lines that are actually modified lyrics of Black Sabbath songs.
A brief subplot involves the college's arena football team going against a rival team known as the Maiming Maggots. However, the college's team name is a running gag because it is obscured by objects, only revealing it as Flaming Fa-. The final scene shows the team name is actually the Flaming Fantasticks after the Swingles van leaves the school.
---
From ign.com:
In order to advance now, you need to get ALL THREE females' Tokens of Affection. No small task, but it's not too tough.
First up is Morgan, who is in the library. For once, you will not have to speak to her to get things started. Instead, Interact with the Drink Station in the library near Nigel. You'll make some coffee for her, although it will cost you 15 bucks to do so. The coffee-making mini-game is, of course, in Whack-A-Mole style. If you want to save some money, save it before starting, because EVERY TIME you play, it will cost you another 15.
Once the coffee is made, talk to the librarian. You'll need to fully accessorize the Geek Outfit before Morgan will speak to you, so buy the Bow Tie, Calculator Watch, Pocket Protector, and Thick Glasses. If you run short on funds, run over to the Greek Quad to snap pics of cheerleaders, or go to the Power Station and snap Analisa in her bra and panties.
Geek Outfit - Purchasable from The Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Bow Tie - Purchasable from The Library's Librarian (Cost: 5)
Calculator Watch - Purchasable from the Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Pocket Protector - Purchasable from the Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Think Glasses - Purchasable from the Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Once you've purchased the necessary accessories from the librarian and equipped the Geek Outfit, speak to Morgan, who is by the mural on the third floor. You'll engage her in a chat mini-game.
Clear it, and you'll be taken to Larry's room automatically for another chat session. After that is a game of Strip Slaps with Morgan, followed by the third chat session.
Finish up with a streak session through campus; it's not that simple, though. You need to avoid all the guys (or else they'll chase you and beat you up), and can only offend people if your body is directly facing them.
Once you run naked past 16 people (and avoid campus security), you'll have to hide back at the library, where you get Morgan's Token of Affection: her D&D Dice Bag.
(CHAT 1 - Larry approaches Morgan in the library with some coffee.)
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Oh, what a predicament I'm in...
*Red Frown* Oh, what a pickle I'm in!
*Red Depressed Face* Man, my life sucks!
*Green Smiley* I have here two Choco-Mocha Creme Lattes...
*Red Frown* Why I have here two steaming piles of beany goodness...
*Red Frown* I have tasted the creamy goodness of these two coffees...
*Green Smiley* Yet there's only one of me...
*Red Frown* I have a really small bladder...
*Red Frown* I am but a puny little man...
*Green Smiley* If only someone would aid me in this horrible predicament!
*Red Frown* If only these were a favorite drink of someone nearby...
*Red Frown* If only someone would fall for my transparent scheme...
Morgan: Did you say Choco-Mocha Creme Latte? Yeah, I'll take it off your hands. Those are, like, my favorite!
Larry:
*Red Frown* I know!
*Green Smiley* Really?
*Red Frown* Shut... up!
*Green Smiley* It's good to find a woman who shares my refined tastes...
*Red Frown* It's so good to find a woman who'll fall for my trick...
*Red Boobs* It's good to find a woman with a nice rack...
*Red Frown* Y'know, this morning, I was at home masturbating...
*Green Smiley* Y'know, this morning, I was at home reading...
*Red Drunk Face* Y'know, this morning, I was at home with a hangover...
*Green Smiley* And as I pored through my much dog-eared copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", I...
*Red Boobs* And as I read the back of the Girls Gone Wild tape, I...
*Red Frown* And as I flipped through the Kama Sutra, I...
Morgan: Really? That's my favorite book!
Larry:
*Red Frown* Yeah, yeah. Ever since you got it on your thirteenth birthday, I know...
*Red Frown* Uh, no it's your second favorite...
*Green Smiley* Why, yes it is!
*Red Brain* But, it's not like I'm some sorta nerd...
*Green Smiley* But, uh, don't get the impression that I'm some bookish sort...
*Red Frown* But, really, I'm one of those people who's too cool for books...
*Red Frown* ...y'know, all "tea-time" and "limp wrists" and "getting in touch with feelings"...
*Red Frown* ...y'know, with pocket protectors and chess club who never gets laid...
*Green Smiley* ...who does nothing but read all day long...
*Green Smiley* I also spend time with my other interests...
*Red Frown* I also pretend to have other interests...
*Red Frown* There's lots of other things I learned in prison...
*Green Smiley* Eating Boo-Berry cereal...
*Red Cuffs* Dressing up Barbie dolls in bondage gear...
*Red Frown* Eating strawberry shortcake...
*Green Smiley* And buying Dukes of Hazzard lunchboxes off EBay!
*Red Frown* And buying used underwear on EBay!
*Red Frown* And selling my used underwear on EBay!
Morgan: Okay, that's a bit too familiar... Do I know you?
Larry:
*Red Frown* No, but I do stalk you...
*Red Devil* Carnally? Heh, not yet...
*Green Smiley* Probably...
*Red Frown* Uh, would you like to get to know me better? Carnally?
*Red Devil* So, you, me, some sweet lovin'? Interested?
*Green Smiley* Hey, uh, you wanna go somewhere and talk about it?
*Red Frown* And uh, have sex?
*Green Smiley* Uh, like a date?
*Red Frown* I'll strip first...
Morgan: A date?.... I dunno... You don't seem too weird, but, isn't this a bit sudden? I don't know if I could hang out with someone who I only know in real life. Shouldn't we IM or MORPG a little first?
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Um, eh, oh, I know!
*Red Boobs* What'd you say? I was too busy staring at your ample bosom...
*Red Frown* I'd like to "MM" your "RPG"! Or uh...
*Red Frown* We could shave each other's armpits...
*Red Frown* We could dress up like plumbers!
*Green Smiley* We could sneak down to the library sub-basement...
*Green Smiley* And have a picnic in the old sewer tunnel!
*Red Frown* And explore each others bodies while we explore the sewer tunnels!
*Red Cheese* And hang around in stinky poo-gas!
*Red Rat* We could attack some rats while we're down there!
*Red Frown* I'm gettin' a wee bit hoooot just thinkin' about it...
*Green Smiley* It could be quite an adventure!
Morgan: What? I just did that last week! How do you even know about those tunnels?
Larry:
*Red Alien* Why, it's like we've had a Vulcan mind meld!
*Green Smiley* It's like I've known you all my life!
*Red Frown* It's like I'm not the only one in these pants...
*Green Smiley* We both have a crush on B'andre the Giant...
*Red Frown* We both lost our virginity to Scotty Peters...
*Red Frown* We both use super-absorbant Kotex, with wings!
*Red Frown* Our favorite fruit is George Michael!
*Green Smiley* Our favorite fruit is the kumquat!
*Red Frown* Our favorite fruit is Bolivia!
Morgan: Have you been reading my website?
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Web? Wha? Who? Whaddaya? Wha?
*Red Frown* I wouldn't say "reading" so much as "oggling"...
*Red Frown* Do you really think I'd use my computer for something other than porn? Hello!
*Red Frown* Okay, look. I may have been stalking you, a little...
*Red Frown* Okay, look. I may have spent over forty-eight hours straight staring at it...
*Green Smiley* Okay, look. I may have stumbled onto it, once...
*Red Brain* And maybe it was because I did a search for "hot young nerd chicks".
*Green Smiley* And maybe it was because I heard you sometimes left your webcam on while you were changing...
*Red Frown* And maybe it was because I got turned on a little bit by your baby pictures...
*Red Boobs* But even after I realized that was Luba's website I was thinking of...
*Red Frown* But even after I found out that you didn't have a "Members Only" section...
*Green Smiley* But after a few weeks of waiting for that to happen again...
*Red Frown* I started to come back, because you gave out details of your sex life.
*Green Smiley* I started to come back, because I really liked reading what you wrote!
*Red Hick Face* I started to come back, because I heard you liked dorky guys...
*Red Frown* I feel like you're me, if I had been a chick...
*Red NO Sign* I feel like you're the sister I never had incest with...
*Green Smiley* I think we've bonded in ways I never thought I could with a girl who doesn't know I exist.
Morgan: Wow, I have my own... creepy stalker fanboy...
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Is that so wrong?
*Red Frown* Do, you, uh, think you'll call the cops?
*Red Frown* You think I'm some creepy pervert?
Morgan:
*Success* Kinda, but I guess it's sorta cute. At least you have the balls to ask me out. All my guy-friends wanna bang me, but they're too scared to even ask...
*Failure 1* According to local sexual harrassment laws, yes...
*Failure 2* I thought "creepy stalker" kinda summed up my opinion on that...
(CHAT 2 - Larry leads Morgan into his room. She looks around.)
Morgan: Oh, wow! Is that a B'andre the Giant poster?
Larry:
*Red Hick Face* Poster? What poster?
*Green Smiley* I think so!
*Red Frown* B'andre the... who?
*Green Smiley* Well, it was up here when I moved in...
*Red Frown* Y'know, I keep tellin' the janitor to stop puttin' up posters in my room!
*Red Frown* Honestly, I haven't been here in a few weeks, who knows?
Morgan: Heh, I used to have such a crush on him as a kid. After my dad took me to Wrestlemania, I wrote "Morgan loves B'andre" like a million times on my Trapper Keeper...
Larry:
*Red Frown* So did I!
*Red Frown* You had a Trapper Keeper, too?
*Green Smiley* Really?
*Red Balls* My grandpa, he was a peanut vendor at B'andre the Giant's private baseball stadium...
*Green Smiley* My grandpa, he was a peanut vendor at Wrestlemania IV...
*Red Frown* My grandpa always said he had a dream where he was a peanut vendor...
*Red Frown* And he was invited to the cast party after...
*Red Frown* He and B'andre really hit it off...
*Green Smiley* And he went into the shower there...
*Green Smiley* And he said B'andre the Giant's weiner was like a foot long!
*Red Ruler* And he said B'andre the Giant's weiner was only, like, three inches long!
*Red Frown* And he said B'andre the Giant was the best lay he ever had!
Morgan: Heh, if your grandfather was a peanut vendor, what was he doing in the wrestler's locker room?
*Red Frown* Okay, okay, so the whole "stalker" thing kinda runs in the family...
*Red Wang* Okay, when I say "peanut vendor", you need to look for the double meaning, okay?
*Green Smiley* Um, my mom said I wasn't supposed to talk about it with anyone outside the family...
Morgan: Anyway... Did you know B'andre was over seven feet tall?
Larry:
*Red Ruler* He was a little taller than me...
*Red Frown* And he had a posse!
*Green Smiley* Seven foot, two inches...
*Green Smiley* Five hundred and forty pounds...
*Red Frown* And he weighed more than my Aunt Mabel!
*Red Frown* But, it's not like being taller makes you a better person...
*Green Smiley* See, he suffered from acromegaly...
*Red Frown* See, he had a really bad eating problem...
*Red Frown* He suffered from melbolalaby...
*Red Maple Leaf* A rare disease that causes nearby plants to burst into song!
*Red Frown* A rare disease that makes you really tall, and big, and kick a lot...
*Green Smiley* A rare disease that results in an over-abundance of growth hormones...
Morgan: You sure know a lot about B'andre the Giant...
*Red Frown* More than any man alive!
*Green Smiley* I should!
*Red Frown* More than I'd like to...
*Red Frown* See, me and B'andre are brothers, separated at birth...
*Green Smiley* See, me and B'andre are best friends...
*Red Frown* See, me and B'andre are blood brothers...
Morgan: Uhhh, don't you mean "were"?
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Oh, we still are...
*Red Frown* Oh, y-yeah, I do...
*Red Frown* You don't believe me?
(starts dialing)
*Red Frown* He should just be getting home after helping my mom with her back problem...
*Green Smiley* I'll call him on the phone, right now...
*Red Frown* There's no way a phone call can be fake...
(into phone)
*Red Frown* Hello, B'andre the Giant? Uh, pretend you know me...
*Red Frown* Yeah, Andrette. Is your Daddy home?
*Green Smiley* Helloooo, B'andre the Giant? This is Larry...
*Red Frown* Oh, you and my mom are wrestling right now?
*Green Smiley* Oh, you and Bulk Bogan are wrestling right now, huh?
*Red Frown* Oh, you're in the locker room with my grandpa right now...
*Red Frown* Tell "The Bulkster" he owes me licensing rights for stealing my
move!
*Red Frown* Tell "The Bulkster" that I accept his apology over the time he got mad because he couldn't accept that I was so much cooler than him...
*Green Smiley* Tell "The Bulkster" I'm sorry for kickin' his wimpy butt last year...
(to Morgan)
*Red Frown* He's telling Bulk Bogan to get a life!
*Red Frown* He's telling Bulk Bogan you like him!
*Green Smiley* He's telling Bulk Bogan what I said!
*Red Depressed Face* Bogan is running home, crying!
*Red Devil* Bogan sounds really turned on!
*Green Smiley* Heheh! Bogan sounds really mad!
Operator (from in phone): If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up, and then dial your operator.
Larry (into phone):
*Red Frown* Well, I don't think she's buying it...
*Green Smiley* Oh, really? That's nice, B'andre the Giant...
*Red Frown* Oh, really? That's nice, B'andre the Giant...
*Red Frown* I love you too, snookums...
*Green Smiley* (sniff) I think you're my best friend, too... (sniff)
*Red Frown* See ya next Thanksgiving, old buddy...
*Red Frown* Ah, well, I'm almost outta minutes, buh-bye...
*Red Frown* I've got a lady caller... Bye!
*Green Smiley* Well, gotta go, bye...
Morgan: Larry, I hate to break it to you, but B'andre the Giant's been dead for, like, ten years...
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Oh, yeah?
*Red Frown* That's a lie!
*Red Frown* That's what Bulk Bogan wants you to believe!
*Red Frown* Then who has my mom been spending all that time with?
*Red Frown* Then who sent me that fruit basket last week?
*Green Smiley* Then who was I talking to on the phone?
Morgan: Oh, I dunno. No one?
Larry:
*Red Frown* Why don't you talk to him?
*Green Smiley* How 'bout I just call B'andre the Giant back?
*Red Frown* All right, then. Why don't I just invite B'andre over?
*Red Tombstone* And tell him he's dead!
*Green Smiley* And tell him you called him a nobody!
*Red Ruler* And tell him he's over seven feet tall!
*Red Tombstone* I bet he'd lurch out of his grave...
*Green Smiley* I bet he'd take the first flight over here...
*Red Frown* I bet he'd fly right here on his Giant Plane!
*Red Frown* And show you just where he puts his peanuts!
*Green Smiley* And deliver a big boot to the back of your head, personally!
*Red Explosion* And throw a big rock at your head!
Morgan: God, Larry! It's not like I'd fall for that sad little trick, anyway, even if he was alive...
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Trick? Oh, you thought I was trying to trick you?
*Red Frown* Really? I thought it was working!
*Red Frown* Trick? What trick?
Morgan:
*Success* Y'know, it's really cute how you thought a way to impress me... I think you're ready... There's something I've been wanting to try...
*Failure 1* Wow, you really are stupid, aren't you?
*Failure 2* My mother warned me about dating losers! Why didn't I listen?
(CHAT 3 - Larry and Morgan are playing D&D in his room.)
Morgan: So, you rolled a thirteen, which is enough to hit!
Larry:
*Red Frown* My Magic Poking Stick does...
*Green Smiley* My Two-Handed Sword of Girth does...
*Red Frown* "Beaver Slayer"... that's what I named my sword... does...
*Red Frown* 1d7 +1/2 against beavers, so I do...
*Green Smiley* 1d10 +3 against loins, so I do...
*Red Brain* 1d8 + against dorks, so I do...
*Green Smiley* 9 damage!
*Red Frown* A world of hurt!
*Red Hick Face* What's six plus three again?
Morgan: Oh, that's enough to take out the last orc! The princess calls for you to save her...
Larry:
*Red Frown* Nice. I pop some breath spray... Has that been invented yet?
*Red Boobs* Sweet! I check out her, uh, equipment...
*Green Smiley* Cool! I go up to her...
*Red Boobs* Does she have big knockers?
*Green Smiley* Is she cute?
*Red Devil* Does she look desperate enough to do me?
Morgan: Uhh... yeah. Her Charisma's seventeen, so, I guess she's cute...
Larry:
*Red Hick Face* Seventeen, all right! She's legal!
*Red Boobs* I stare at her chestadid...
*Green Smiley* I talk to her...
(heroic voice)
*Red Frown* Verily, thou art hot!
*Red Frown* Yo, sexy!
*Green Smiley* Hey, baby!
*Red Frown* Do you have the Mapkeeping skill? I keep getting lost in thine eyes!
*Red Frown* Did it hurt when you fell from Valhalla?
*Green Smiley* What's a nice wench like you doing in a rotten dungeon like this?
Morgan: Okay, I'll need a Charisma check to see how well you did. (rolls) Ohhhh, that's not good... But her "INT" is only five, so she doesn't notice.
Larry:
*Green Smiley* So, does she, like, like me?
*Red Devil* So, does she do me?
*Red Frown* Five? That's the same as mine! We're soulmates!
Morgan: Uh, no. She says, "Oh, you must save me good sir knight. The evil wizard will be back soon!"
Larry (heroic voice):
*Red Frown* Riffy!
*Green Smiley* No problem!
*Red Frown* Gotcha covered!
*Red Frown* I offer to teach her my stroking technique...
*Green Smiley* I whip out my +5 Rod of Stroking!
*Red Wang* I whip out my Rod... of Stroking!
Morgan: Larry, it's "Striking", not "Stroking"... Hehe... Whatever... "No! He's too powerful! You'll never stop his virgin sacrifice!"
Larry (heroic voice):
*Green Smiley* Wait! "Virgin" sacrifice?
*Red Frown* Virgin! What a wonderful word!
*Red Boobs* Thou, a virgin? With thine hooters?
*Red Wang* Hey, what say we fix this virgin problem of yours!
*Green Smiley* So, wait, if he can't sacrifice you, what happens?
*Red Frown* I know the perfect cure for virginity!
Morgan: "Well, I guess that'd break the spell, and the demons would take him instead!"
Larry (heroic voice):
*Green Smiley* I have an idea!
*Red Wang* I have a boner!
*Red Shocked Face* Demons? Yikes!
*Red Frown* If we're going to die, at least we can go out the good way!
*Red Frown* It might not work, but at least it will be fun!
*Green Smiley* It's crazy, but it's our only chance!
*Red Wang* My squire is ready to come out!
*Red Splat* Get thee ready for some man-cream!
*Green Smiley* Taketh off all thine clothes!
Morgan: "Whaaat?"
Larry:
*Red Frown* Once we get rid of that pesky hymen...
*Green Smiley* If you're not a virgin...
*Red Frown* One night with me, and...
*Red Frown* You won't be pure anymore!
*Green Smiley* He can't sacrifice you!
*Red Frown* No demon would want you!
Morgan: Mmm, she's not sure how to react... (rolls) Ooo, just barely made it. She rips off her chainmail bikini and leaps into your arms, topless...
Larry:
*Red Frown* Great! So, at least my fictional versions get some, and...
*Red Condom* Great! So, I finally get to use my Chainmail Condom I spent all my gold pieces on?
*Green Smiley* Great! So, we have sweet, sweet, sex, and...
Morgan: Nah, I'm not gonna let you get off that easy... What, exactly, do you do?
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Well, I get on top of her...
*Red Frown* I mount my fair wench...
*Red Frown* I guess, I climb up on her as high as I can get...
*Green Smiley* ...and feel her royal boobies!
*Red Frown* ...and rummage around for her G-spot!
*Red Frown* ...and immediately start rutting!
Morgan: Okay, that's a -4 penalty for "no foreplay", but a +2 for her Superior Sluttiness feat. (rolls) Ooo, a critical hit! She's humping your leg!
Larry:
*Red Frown* Wow, I love this game! I hump back!
*Green Smiley* Okay, I mount her and thrust!
*Red Frown* I try to move her up to a better place for humping...
Morgan: Dexterity check! And you don't have the right skills, so... mmm, you miss... You hit her elbow. She takes 1 damage...
Larry:
*Green Smiley* Okay... This time I cast "Mordenkai's Sureshot" first.
*Red Wang* Okay... This time I cast "Cure Minor Erection" first.
*Red Frown* Okay... This time I cast "Satanic Bodily Possession" first.
Morgan: Hmmhm... Good idea! Your penis emits an eerie blue light, and you get a +8 bonus! Okay, you're in!
Larry:
*Green Smiley* I ride her like a warhorse!
*Red Frown* I ride her like the neighbor's My Little Pony!
*Red Frown* I ride her like a Scotsman on a sheep!
*Red Frown* Has she noticed me, yet?
*Red Frown* Is she done yet?
*Green Smiley* How long 'til she's not a virgin?
Morgan: If you have to ask... Okay, Constitution check... (rolls) Sorry, you lose it early. That's gonna be a -4 on future reaction rolls...
Larry:
*Red Frown* Future rolls? But, I already had sex with her!
*Green Smiley* But we did it, right?
*Red Frown* Why would that be a minus?
*Red Frown* So, I'm a man, now!
*Green Smiley* We stopped the sacrifice?
*Red Frown* She didn't run screaming?
Morgan:
*Success* Yes! Once again, quick thinking and quick sex have saved the kingdom!
*Failure 1* Nope! She pulls off her mask, and reveals that she was really a master assassin all along! You just fucked your murderer!
*Failure 2* Nope! She casts Dispel Magic on herself and reveals that she was really the evil old wizard all along! You just fucked the villain!
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